randomness

Triggered Thoughts of a Texan Today

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I was thinking of finishing the Prakruti’s blog one of my previous blogs that I had started last night, however, something I felt, some guilt and feeling which made me take this up. I wanted to spit it out to someone, but I guess writing is the best way.This is about my mom. As usual, every morning when I wake up I give her a call to find out if she is okay and what is she up to. I love her more than this world but like other children I do hurt her, coz it is not that I hate her, it is like I’m a stupid human being that is covered by ego, flesh, and blood.Before having some random conversation with her, I got to know that my mom-in-law was unwell today and she had to get some saline injected in her body since she was weak due to the summer and other factors also. I happened to discuss this with mom asking her to give her a call to my mom-in-law the next morning to ask her well-being, etc. One sentence my mom said, I was broken into pieces, “I do not have anyone to take care, even if I fall down no matter what”. My heart broke into infinity. Yes, I have a guilt, I left her alone in Chennai, India. She had become a handicapped person since the year 2004 as her leg had to be amputated above the knee. And I also keep repeating this to myself and also to my mom that I was one of the reasons for the amputation to happen.I did not give my mom’s health a second chance to either consider a plastic surgery for the leg or to get some medication that might have had vague chances to heal the gangrene in her leg. The reason for this was, I had a huge financial crunch with no money, no moral support, no good job and a hell lot of debts.I promised to be with her no matter what, when and how and would never ever leave her alone till the end.But alas, I broke the damn promise and I’m here in Texas happily enjoying womanhood and leading a life of a housewife.I’m in Texas for different reasons – repairing my marriage life that was almost in the verge of breaking up,build a family, better career, better quality of life and to save some coins for the later part of my life.

This text might have been too personal or something which no soul in this earth would be interested in. But, I feel much relieved now after putting across my thoughts here.My burden is reduced and I can continue the rest of the day with some ease.I will also look forward to finishing the Prakruti’s blog.

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